Journal Entry 45

August 5th, 1947

Yesterday my Cyrus left our home right after sundown and did not return until almost sunrise.  When I told him that I was worried and questioned what had happened, he would say nothing.  Instead, he went straight to bed.  I tried to engage him, put my arms around him, but I felt a cold distance between us that I can say honestly, I have never felt from him.  Even before we were together, Cyrus never pushed me away, not like this.

Today he attempted to do the same thing.  He slept most of the day and then dressed and went to leave when the sun had dipped below the horizon.  I raced to the door and barred him from leaving, begging him to at least tell me what section of the city he was going, or how long he expected to be gone.

He turned his face away from me, and after a long pause told me to move out of his way, adding that he might not even come home that evening.  I’m not sure why I was so angry or hurt, but I eventually moved out of his way and spouted off for him not to be surprised if I was not there when he returned.

Cyrus hesitated at the door, his hand on the knob.  It looked like he was going to leave, but then he whirled and his arms were around me.  He pressed his forehead to mine and pleaded with me not to do this.  He said there was nothing and no one more important than me, and he didn’t want to go on living if I was not in his life.

I didn’t know what to say or do.  

Eventually, I put my arms around him and softly asked him to talk to me; to tell me something.  He replied that he could not, because he was a vampire and I a human.  He explained that the two of us belonged to two entirely different worlds and because I was not a part of his, that he could not divulge.

I responded that human or not, I was a part of his world.  I had been a part of his world since he plucked me from the battlefield of Anzio.  I intended to live by his side forever, and where the two of us were concerned, forever truly meant forever.  Considering that, he was going to have to make a decision to either trust me with all of who he was, or simply let me go.

He seemed struck and shaken by this, and before I knew it, we were kissing passionately.  He stripped me nude right there against the wall and claimed my body over and over again.

Cyrus did not go out hunting tonight.  Instead, we made love all over our home.  He took me against the wall, over my desk, on the floor, on the counter; we were even on the ceiling at one point, though I scarcely remember what room we were in.   We eventually made it back to our bed, and he is now sleeping soundly beside me as I write.

I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I hope against hope that a barrier has been broken down between us.  I know he fears for me and wishes me to hold onto my humanity, but I fear very little, so long as we are together.

Until later, Journal.

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