Journal Entry 14

June 5th, 1944

I do not know where to begin.

I suppose for starters, I am no longer at the facility.  I am free from the torment of captivity and I suppose technically speaking, I am a Deserter.  Though, to be brutally honest, I do not believe I was ever officially enrolled into the army.  If someone was to look up my name and information of enlistment, I highly doubt there are records.  If there are any records, they will be somewhere that the regular army information is not.

What I did during this heinous war was not something that you just slap down in a file somewhere and wait for it to be found.  I do not believe any sensible person would believe the facility ever existed, let alone so reading the files on paranormal doctors seems unlikely.  I worked with supernatural individuals in a place that should never have existed.  The information is classified at best.  Besides, it appears that whoever authorized and oversaw the facility has many powerful and frightening enemies.  Such enemies entered the place that I had been prisoner and laid waste to it.  I can only assume that headquarters and records keeping met the same fate.

Which leads me to the second part of this powerful declaration; I am now under the command of a vampire.

I do not think he would appreciate the way that I have worded it, but I am not sure how else to phrase it.  I am not precisely his captive, as he claims I am free to go, and yet he does not appear to be willing to let me go.  Moreover, where would I go if he were to shoo me away?

We are currently somewhere in Greece, but since I am unfamiliar with the country, I am not certain as to where.  He claims this is a ‘safe house’ and that no one will inquire about me or where I have come from.  I do not speak, keep my head down, and do not look at others as he speaks to them.  Mainly I keep to myself, locked away in a bed chambers, drinking to my sorrows, and using any type of herbal remedy that he might let me touch.

I just want to forget where I have been for the past few years.  Perhaps I also want to forget the past few days and how beautiful this vampire’s eyes are.

I do not believe German is his strong suit and so I do not fear him reading you, Journal.  Besides, he is oddly gentlemanly with me, despite his obvious feral nature, and he treats me with more respect than I deserve.  He gives me space, asks about my comfort and makes sure that I eat, sleep, and bathe regularly.

He confuses me so.

This beautiful vampire erupted into the laboratory like a volcano of blood, power and death.  By the time he reached where I had barricaded myself away, he was drenched in blood from the tip of his nose down to his army boots.  He held no weapons, indicating he was tearing people apart with his bare hands.  The way the crimson trickled from his chocolaty flesh sent lightning tingles all through my body.

Ah yes, you read that correctly, both about the reaction from my body and about his color. 

I had never met an individual of African descent before that moment.  He is short of stature, but his musculature is Heavenly sculpted.  I can go on and on about the attractiveness of his body and how the creamy darkness of his skin sends surprising jolts to parts of my body that it should not.  However, it is his eyes that hold me.  It was his eyes that I could not look away from when he burst into the room I hid within and stared at me like a midnight snack.

The vampire’s eyes are the most gorgeous shade of honey amber.  They are not quite ‘golden’ but appear almost like some sort of caramel food item.  The irises are like nothing I have ever seen before and each time he gazes at me, my heart jerks up into my throat before somersaulting down into the pit of my stomach.  In those eyes I see so many things.  There is curiosity, wonder, gentleness, ferocity, hunger, danger, passion, regret, desire, want, need, wisdom…loneliness.

Then again, perhaps it is only my imagination and desires that impose those things upon him.  I have only known him a few days, what can I possibly understand about a creature so powerful and so obviously ancient?

In the facility I stared at him and he stared back at me.  I saw myself lowering him back upon a slab and undressing him.  I wanted to do so many things to that beautiful body while those honey eyes stared at me.  I wanted to watch different emotions and pleasures flash through them as I touched him.  I am a demented individual.  There were bombs going off and the entire world shook, yet this was what I was thinking.

I think I begged him to kill me.  I can’t recall if it was because of what I did at the facility, or what I was thinking in that moment.

But he didn’t kill me.  Instead, he took me by the hand and led me out.  He held me tightly and we ran through hail of gunfire and falling bombs.  He protected me with his forever life and all I could do was run as fast as I could to keep up with him.

A bomb came too close and I can’t recall exactly what happened, but I woke up in terrible pain.  I know he forced his blood into my mouth and soon I was on my feet again.  He saved my life so many times in the few moments right after he met me.  Why?  Why did he save me!?  I was part of the facility that did experiments on his people.  Why doesn’t he hate me?!   He takes care of me like I am a precious friend and it’s so maddening!

I remember running down a hill towards a train.  He wrapped an arm around my waist and threw me into the back car.  He’s so strong it gives me shivers.  It was dark inside the train car, but when I tried to sit up I felt something warm press down harshly against my chest.  He had jumped into the car and landed on top of me.  He pushed me down and breathed against my neck.  I thought he was going to bite me, and in that moment I wanted him to.  I wanted him.

His hands roamed against my clothed body and I did not resist, but just as soon as the touches started, he slid away.  I’m not sure why he stopped.  Perhaps it was the situation; perhaps he became disgusted with himself.  I do not blame him.  I can’t understand how he can even look at me, let alone touch me.

So here I am.  I am free of the torment of the facility and I have stepped into a different kind of torment.  Now everywhere I look, everything I touch, every time I take a breath, my senses are assaulted by this beautiful vampire that I should not want and I cannot allow myself to desire.  I have no right.  Not after all the terrible things I have done.

I think I need to lie down.  My head is throbbing.  Please excuse me, Journal.  Until I have time to write again.

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