Journal Entry 12

October 1st, 1943

I no longer have hope for some fairy tale ending with my good friend E.  Though the months that we have spent side-by-side in this terrible place have flown by, they have also taken their toll.  I’m not sure when it happened, but I do recall seeing E’s smile beginning to falter at times and a strange manic glint in those emerald eyes.  I have felt it coming, though I wanted to deny such whimsies. 

This place is not good for E, just like it is not good for anyone.

I confronted E about the change in his demeanor.  I told him that I was worried and I did not wish to see his dazzling smile fade and turn jaded or twisted the way I have seen my own expression change since I have been here.  The exchange was odd.  E hugged me, pressing my face down into his soft golden hair.  He said not a word, merely kept hugging me before pulling away and rushing off.  I did not see him again until later in the evening.

I wanted to have dinner with him, the way that we always did.  However, E did not meet me in my quarters.  I left in search of him, and it took some time to locate that bubbly blond.  When I did locate him, I was shocked at what I found.  I’m not sure if I should describe it.  Though this journal never leaves my hands, should someone ever manage to get it from me, E’s life could be in danger.  I suppose it matters not, if the news of the war holds any truth.  We will all be up to our necks in gunfire soon enough.

When I happened upon E, he was at the loading area of the facility.  There is a sort of ‘disposal’ system that we use.  When our specimens become of little use, we simply throw them away, like so much garbage, but E was not throwing away garbage.  I found my beloved friend, releasing our supernatural prisoners.  I was shocked, and somewhat relieved.  Then I became afraid.  I thought for certain that the creatures would attack my friend the moment they found freedom.

I rushed to his side, intent on using my own body as a shield against flesh eating monsters.  E placed his hand upon my shoulder and gently moved me to the side.  He spoke to the creatures, telling them of where they should go and which roads were clear to take.  Then they left, thanking him.  I stared in shock at my friend who merely smiled before taking my hand.  He pulled me back inside with promises of an explanation.

As we sat in my quarters with food between us, mostly untouched, he explained that he came here with the intent of setting as many people free as he could.  He regarded our prisoners with warmth and kindness, speaking of them like I might speak of a colleague or a human child.  He did not speak using ‘it’ or ‘them’ or ‘those things’ as oft was custom.  It kept us detached and kept us in the mindset that these were things and not people.  It turned my stomach to hear my closest and dearest, perhaps only, friend speak in such a way.  I wondered silently at what fiend might have corrupted his mind and twisted him to their side.

Then, once he finished he reached out to touch my cheek and dropped a bomb in my lap.  With that loving smile I had come to adore, E explained that he was not human.

I could not believe the declaration at first.  I was in complete shock and denial.  I believe I firmly disagreed with him and even told him that he was mistaken.  How silly of me to tell a man to his face that he is not who and what he truly is.  However, E was patient, sliding arms around my shoulders and holding me, even as I grew angry and tried to shove him away.  I grew angry as the realization set in.  I accused him of deceiving me and using me to his own ends.  Still, he reached for me, only smiling and letting me be filled with rage.

My eyes filled with tears and I sobbed angrily, my stomach turning in knots.  The world spun and I nearly wretched.  I tumbled to the floor and screamed at him, demanding to know of anything he’d ever said to me was the truth.  He held my head to his chest and petted me, saying that he loved me as he always had and that he never lied to me, that he would never lie to me.  He told me that he came not only to free prisoners, but to watch over me.  He said he knew I hated it here and that I had considered the same course of action.  He said, and this hit me so hard I almost blacked out, that he knew I had once met a vampire when I was a boy, and that I had momentarily fancied him.

I recalled that top-hatted figure, but that time and place seemed so far away.  I can barely remember his face.  I think I sketched him in you, Journal.  I shall have to flip through your pages and look up his face.  I never want to forget my first ‘crush.’

Be that as it may.  He told me that my Destiny was forever intertwined with vampires and that one day I would meet a vampire that would steal the very breath from my lungs.  I do not believe in Fate or Destiny.  I am a man of science and medicine.  Still, E knows an awful lot about me.  I know that supernatural creatures are real and some of their powers are astonishing.

I will still angry, hurt, confused and sick of heart.  He held me and after a while I leaned up and kissed him, far harder than I intended.  Before I realized what I was doing, I was assaulting his lips to the point of bruising.  He relented to my every demanding movement.  I picked E up off the floor and carried him to the examination table that I keep in my room.   

Dear Journal, the perverse things I did to that beautiful body makes it difficult for me to recant the tale.  My hands are still trembling.

I used my belt to tie E’s hands above his head, and then put his dainty feet up in stirrups.  He gave no resistance.  I can only hope in my heart that were he to show protest that I would have let him go.
I stripped him to his lacy underthings and then things became a blur.  

My ‘job’ at this depraved laboratory is to take a supernatural creature’s body to the very brink and beyond.  I am to the test them and see how much pain they can take before they break.  I did not wish to do this to E.  My intent was to see how much pleasure I could induce before it was too much.  He served as a particularly difficult subject.

I used various instruments at my disposal.  I touched and teased from one end of that luscious body to the other.  I can still hear the whines, moans and cries echoing inside my mind.

At one point, for no reason that I can ascertain, I held a scalpel to his cheek, watching the way it shined and gleamed on that dark skin.  His emerald eyes were so beautiful and the emotions inside of them, a mixture between cautious curiosity and drunken lust made my trousers so tight I could barely walk.  And then, I simply nicked him right above the nipple.  

The blood that flowed from that tiny wound was as silver as Mercury.  I stared at it as a single drop wormed its way out of his flesh and then the mark disappeared.  Before the droplet could escape, I bent my head and licked it up.  I cannot fathom, but it tasted like chocolate, sunshine, and an orgasm. 
I can barely recall the rest.  I did not stop until he passed out and the front of my trousers was wet.  That is correct, Journal; like some twisted mad scientist, I kept my clothes on the entire time.  I was in control of the situation and I liked it that way.  I am surely not proud of what I did, but when all was said and done I collected E carefully from the examination table, took him to a bath and gently washed him.

He awoke in the tub and smiled up at me.  He touched my cheek and told me that he would love me forever.  I kissed his brow, but could not speak.  I washed him as tenderly as I could and then put him into my bed.  I spoon fed him dinner and then tucked him in to sleep.  When I was certain he was comfortable and sleeping, I went to take a shower and now I am here, recounting this utterly confusing day.

I know not what tomorrow may bring, Journal, all I know is that I am so emotionally exhausted that I can think of nothing more than to curl up with E and rest.  Do not misunderstand.  E and I are not ‘in love’ and I know we shall never be.  Whatever transpired today, I think he meant for it to happen.  E did not just come here to set all those supernatural creatures free from their cages.   

E came here to set me free.

Until I can write again Journal,

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